Presence or presents?

Please, please read this. It's so, so easy to get caught up in all that you need to do this time of year instead of enjoying every single moment of what this time of year, this season, is truly all about.

It's not about the perfect picture with Santa, the perfectly trimmed tree or Pinterest decorated house. It's filling your home and your life and your children's minds with love and amazing, wonderful memories.

Fill your home with the real meaning of the holiday….sharing, showing and spreading your love, good will and cheer.

Presence instead of presents….I love that line in this article.

This article comes from a fabulous blog I just found called AHA Parenting.  I am in love with it and keep finding more and more things that are helping me out right now and giving me many of my own "aha" moments as a parent.   

Parents' Holiday Survival Skill #1: Manage Yourself

"My memories of Christmas as a child are of stress. My mother wanted everything to be perfect and got so worked up trying to do it all that it made the rest of the family crazy. I remember my dad comforting me when I was about 8 years old, I was crying and said “I hate Christmas” and he said “I do, too, honey. We just have to get through it.”

So for my kids I try to be relaxed and fun. We make ornaments for friends and family in December and give them out as we see people — gets us into the giving without thought of receiving. We take time to see the lights around town, to decorate and appreciate our tree. We talk about the other festivals of lights and remember that feasting and gifts are to make the darkest, coldest time of year merry. We celebrate the return of the sun. We relax and play and laugh and appreciate each other.” - Amy

The most essential skill for parents, at the holidays and every day? Manage yourself so you can stay calm and loving with your child.

Picture from Aha Parenting

Remember that the holidays aren't just stressful for you, they're actually stressful for children.  So much desperate longing gets stimulated (just like for us.)  So much excitement gets triggered, which needs an outlet somewhere. All the school and community events mean that families are busier. Parents get more stressed, more snappish, which makes children act out. Schedules are disrupted. Sleep is interrupted. Children get anxious about whether they're good enough, given all their "naughty" impulses (and that Elf watching their every move!) 

Children depend on us, both to regulate their environment, and to help them regulate their moods. If you’re out of balance, you won’t be able to help your kids stay on an even keel. In fact, if you’re anxious about everything you have to get done, I promise you that your child will begin to act out. 

Your kids don’t need a magazine-spread holiday. They need you, in a good mood, living the spirit of the season and spreading love and good cheer.  How?

• Give up on perfection and accept that real parents get reality holidays, complete with messy kitchens, cranky kids and events that you can't get to because somebody needs a nap.
• Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Just say no to whatever doesn’t bring you joy. 
• Make sure you nurture yourself and stay in balance. Start by getting enough sleep.
• Focus on family connection, rather than shopping or events.
• Just say No to comparing yourself to anyone else. You can't see inside their family; you can only do what seems right for your family in this moment, and that is more than enough.
• Be sure your own expectations of the season are reasonable. (What makes you think your difficult relative will suddenly be less difficult this year?)
• The minute your mood veers from loving to frenzied, stop. Hug your children and regroup.
• Count your blessings and say thank you for everything good in your life, every day.
• Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong.
• Pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on a job well done, not just in December, but all year long.

None of our December holidays are about shopping or instagram. They're about the transformative power of faith, love, and light. So fill your home with the real meaning of your holiday by focusing on presence, instead of presents. Which means keeping your own cup full, so you can fill everyone else's.

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